GPB — Generative Premium Bullshitter
The first foundation model trained exclusively on promises.
Live: https://gpb.news
GPB is a parody of AI-era corporate hype. You tell it something small and true — "we fixed a typo on the website" — and it tells the market what it wants to hear: 99.7% of everything, rewritten in four weeks by a two-person team with unlimited tokens. Platform shift included.
What it does
- Hype it — turn a boring fact into a stock-pumping press release, complete with projected stock impact, bullshit-per-share and a delivery date that is always after the next earnings call.
- Surprise me — a random announcement, no input needed.
- Escalate — each click makes the promise bigger and the timeline shorter, until it ships retroactively.
- Copy for LinkedIn — ready to post, hashtags and humility included.
- Earnings call simulator — play the analyst. Ask about KPIs, timelines or last year's promise; the CEO never answers, and every follow-up raises the stakes.
How it works
index.html ──fetch──▶ api/server.mjs ──▶ Kimi (Moonshot, OpenAI-compatible API)
│
└─ falls back to built-in templates if the API is slow, rate-limited or offline
index.html — the whole site: one static file, inline CSS/JS, no build step.api/server.mjs — a zero-dependency Node.js proxy (Node 18+) that keeps the API key server-side. It exposes POST /api/announce, POST /api/qa and GET /healthz, with CORS locked to the site's origin, a per-IP rate limit and a daily cap.- The system prompt forbids naming real people, companies or products, so everything GPB says stays fictional.
Run it locally
# API (any OpenAI-compatible endpoint works)
KIMI_API_KEY=your-key ALLOWED_ORIGIN=http://localhost:8000 node api/server.mjs
# Page — set the API constant in index.html to http://localhost:10000 first
python3 -m http.server 8000
Without a key the page still works, using the built-in templates.
| Variable | Default | Purpose |
|---|
KIMI_API_KEY | — | Required for live generation |
KIMI_MODEL | kimi-k2.6 | Model ID |
KIMI_BASE_URL | https://api.moonshot.ai/v1 | Any OpenAI-compatible base URL |
ALLOWED_ORIGIN | — | Comma-separated origins allowed to call the API |
RATE_PER_IP | 20 | Requests per IP per 10 minutes |
DAILY_CAP | 2000 | Total model calls per day |
TRUSTED_PROXY_HOPS | 2 | Which X-Forwarded-For entry (from the end) is the real client; 2 fits Render behind Cloudflare |
Deploy
On Render: a static site publishing the repo root (no build), plus a web service running node api/server.mjs with the variables above.
Privacy
The page uses Google Analytics 4 with Consent Mode: no analytics cookies are set until the visitor accepts the banner, and the choice can be changed from "Cookie settings" in the footer. Only clicks are tracked (e.g. Hype it, Escalate) — the text you type goes to the API to generate the announcement and is never sent to Google or stored.
Disclaimer
GPB is satire. It is not a product and is not affiliated with any company. Any resemblance to real keynotes, earnings calls or LinkedIn posts is, regrettably, entirely plausible.
