| GET | /kick/rocks | Assigns a rock. Optional: ?tier=n, ?min=&max= |
| GET | /kick/rocks/tiers | The full scale, tier 1 through 14. |
| GET | /kick/munitions | Assigns an unintentionally-lost munition. Tells you the tier and the arc. |
| GET | /kick/munitions/tiers | The full scale, tier 1 through 50, in five ten-tier arcs. |
| GET|POST | /pound/dirt | Adds to your pile. |
| GET | /pound/dirt/status | Peek at the pile without pounding it. |
| GET | /pound/dirt/tiers | The full scale, fistful through second moon. |
| GET | /pound/dirt/leaderboard | Top 20 piles, ranked. IPs shown with the final octet removed. |
| DELETE | /pound/dirt | Reset the pile. Only from the IP that raised it. |
| GET | /excuses/teams | A reason not to join the call. |
| GET | /excuses/social | A reason not to attend, with tier. |
| GET | /excuses/oops | A reason it went wrong, with tier explanation. |
| GET | /excuses/ring-ring | A reason you did not pick up. |
| GET | /excuses/late | A reason you're late. |
| GET | /excuses/alibis | A reason you weren't there. |
| GET | /excuses/inlaws | A reason you can't visit the in-laws. Two hundred of them, in ten categories. |
| GET | /ministry/gentle-correction | Rolls a d6 against the Ministry's approved remedies, graded in newtons. |
| GET | /ministry/mandatory-pet-adoption | Assigns a legally binding pet from 203 options, tiered by how badly it ends you. |
| GET | /cage/finger | Put your finger in the cage. 50 animals, 50/50 odds. Costs a finger if taken; once fingers run out, toes are next. |
| GET | /cage/fictional/finger | Put your finger in the cage. 50 fictional creatures this time. Shares your finger/toe count with /cage/finger. |
| GET | /cage/finger/haunted | Put your finger in the cage. 100 haunted and supernatural entities this time. Shares your finger/toe count with /cage/finger. |
| GET | /cage/finger/left | How many fingers and toes you have left, out of 10 each. |
| GET | /cage/finger/reset | Pray to the gods of the holy hairy toe for 10 fingers and 10 toes again. |
| GET | /unhinged/8ball | Shake it. It answers, unreliably. |
| GET | /unhinged/optimism | An unearned, unsupported dose of positivity. |
| GET | /unhinged/pessimism | An unearned, unsupported dose of dread. |
| GET | /unhinged/advice | Advice that applies to almost every situation. |
| GET | /unhinged/non-committal | A refusal to answer, fifty ways |
| GET | /unhinged/optimistic-dooom | The end of everything, relentlessly reframed as good news. Tiered. |
| GET | /unhinged/turn-it-upside-down | Flip a random item. Physics declines to attend. |
| GET | /unhinged/solid-suddenly-liquid | A solid, liquefied. Fifty of them, tiered by regret. |
| GET | /unhinged/solid-suddenly-gelatinous | A solid, turned to jelly. Fifty of them, tiered by wobble. |
| GET | /unhinged/choose-your-duck | A bath duck, and what it costs you. Fifty of them, S-Tier to F-Tier. |
| GET | /unhinged/gravity-resigned | gravity has quit. time to float |
| GET | /unhinged/vengeful-weather | the sky, personally offended |
| GET | /unhinged/wrongfall | Clouds went feral. Fifty of them, tiered S to F. |
| GET | /unhinged/poke | Poke someone, then escalate dramatically. Fifty ways. |
| GET | /unhinged/storage-buddies | A piece of furniture starts following you. Fifty of them. |
| GET | /unhinged/fate-arrived | Fate has arrived, badly. A hundred ways. |
| GET | /unhinged/its-fine | It's fine. Probably. A hundred ways. |
| GET | /unhinged/suddenly-sideways | Everything has gone sideways. A hundred ways, in seven categories. |
| GET | /unhinged/adulting-sick-note | A doctor's note for the adult malady of being alive. A hundred, in ten categories. |
| GET | /unhinged/its-now-fizzy | Everything is now fizzy. A hundred ways, in ten categories. |
| GET | /unhinged/random-boulder | A boulder is rolling at you. Two hundred of them, in eighteen categories. |
| GET | /unhinged/toys | A toy, with something wrong with it. A hundred of them, in nine categories. |
| GET | /unhinged/whats-that | Something is coming over the hill. coming over the hill. |
| GET | /cursed/childhood-tales | A childhood story, cursed. A hundred of them, in five categories. |
| GET | /cursed/furniture | A piece of furniture, and what's wrong with it. Two hundred of them. |
| GET | /cursed/heirloom | A family heirloom, passed down with strings attached. Two hundred of them. |
| GET | /healthz | Liveness, plus lifetime request, unique-IP, and rocks-kicked counts. |
